evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
