i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
