I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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