I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
