Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
