the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
