Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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