Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
