I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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