eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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