Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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