3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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