Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
