i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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