There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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