and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
