I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
