My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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