Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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