Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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