she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
