dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
