Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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