Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
