She went from zero to smokin in five shots
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
