Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
