Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
