allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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