Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
