well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
