Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
