I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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