I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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