i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
