I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
