I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
