actually, I'm a sock model
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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