Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
