You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
