i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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