My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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