I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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