you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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