these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
