Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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