absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
