Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
