I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dick very happy bro
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize