Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
