Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
