hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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