What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
