How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
