Tell her she can't have a vagina
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
