I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
