Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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