So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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