I'm really into asian looking animals
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
