Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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