tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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