Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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