I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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