Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
