I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
