Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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