He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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