go do what you do best...puke behind churches
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
