I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
