so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
