I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
