is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
