Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
