im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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