i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
