Someone shit on the floor
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
