on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he wants to bone in the snuggie
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
