party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
