he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
