Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
