Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have fence marks all over my body
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
