Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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