I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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