Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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