I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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