East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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