Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
