Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
