So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
