y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
