Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
