Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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